I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize