Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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