Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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