Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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