'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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