First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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