Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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