when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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