It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize