My nipple is on Facebook.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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