I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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