My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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