shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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