Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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