I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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