Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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