Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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