You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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