I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize