My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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