Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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