explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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