I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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