people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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