Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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