; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize