Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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