her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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