Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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