I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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