You're my little dorito
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize