using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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