where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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