She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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