You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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