I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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