What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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