People in love make me want to vomit
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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