What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize