If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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