Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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