It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize