I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize