Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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