do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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