Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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