I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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