Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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