The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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