Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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